Alas Poor Culture, I Knew It

What began as a quiet revolution is slowly beginning to pick up steam. Already having sunk its teeth into the American scene, product placement is beginning to gain in popularity here in Canada. I know what you're saying "But that's happened for years now!" and you're right. But I'm stepping away from all of the other forms of media that we are used to having product pimps assail us with, and looking at one of the few safe havens that remain..... stage theater.

Once the cultural refuge for those seeking some antidote from the crass and commercial "bling" of modern media, the theater is slowly turning toward the "modern world" for financial aid. Directors, and even the playwrights themselves are bending plays to encourage consumption of modern products. As marketing becomes more and more intrusive there are fewer places to run and hide. It's not bad enough that most of the theaters bear the name of one or more corporations, and the programs and playbills are dripping with advertising, but to abuse the plays themselves?!

So far we have been spared the bulk of this in Canadian theater productions, but the buzz is that it won't be long before this too will change. Sure it will be simple enough and quite tastefully handled at first. People on stage will cease to drink from generic glassware and begin to drink from easily identified branded containers. Food will no longer be consumed without the packaging being somehow worked into the play, possibly eaten straight from the wrapper itself. Where do we draw the line though? I'd like to see this supposedly inevitable progression of the stage stopped, before cast members come on stage dressed like NASCAR drivers, their tunics and costumes dripping with logos. Poor Romeo with a Nike swoosh across his ass, pouring his heart out to Juliet, straining to be heard over her blaring ipod while they share a couple of Red Bulls. Or will the two noble families of the play simply be renamed the Cokes and the Pepsis? That's right, even Shakespeare isn't safe.

Well, at least if these marketing pimps succeed in turning one of the last bastions of culture into their promotional whores I might be able to afford a ticket. Those shows are a terrifying price for a guy with a family!!!

Alas, poor Pepsi! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow
of infinite effervescence, of most excellent flavour: he hath
borne me on his bubbles a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my intestines it is! my gorge rims at
it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know
not how oft. Where be your colas now? your
bottles? your deposits? your flashes of experiment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?
Now get you to my lady's chamber, and quench her, let
her drink an icy can, to this favour she must
come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell
me one thing.