Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Elmo's Evolution

Every Christmas retailing season there seems to be many attempts to be the manufacturer of the latest "must-have" toy. While there are often winners there are also losers as well. I'm sure most of us remember a toy crazed Christmas of yesteryear and one of those would be the Tickle Me Elmo. This spawned a whole bunch of Elmo toys that can do a multitude of things including chicken dancing and speaking. But have they gone too far now? My wife ad I Were shopping couple of days ago and saw the latest Elmo creation sitting on the shelf, actually he was sitting on the crapper! That's right folks, Elmo doesn't remember eating corn!!now they make the Take A Crap Elmo!

I guess his evolution was inevitable. In an effort to keep people interested they will be making more edgy versions of this guy as time rolls on. Elmo wants a double

The Get Me Drunk Elmo is rumored to be released with two versions. The one you see here will be the more upscale version while the cheaper one will be sporting a bottle in a paper bag. He will come programmed with catchy phrases like "What are you staring at!" and "I love you man....I mean I really love you guys!".

Shortly after this will be Morning After Elmo. Elmo doesn't remember getting hereComplete with fuzzy mouth and a total lack of memory about the night before, he will retail with realistic puddle of vomit and a bottle of Tylenol. This spiral of madness will descend further when it is revealed that the constant partying and pressures of living as a celebrity takes its toll on Elmo and he falls victim to the a darker addiction.

Elmo's arm hurtsShoot Me Up Elmo will be the next step. It will be noticeably skinnier and have a motor in it that makes it shake uncontrollably. As is the norm in the industry someone will get upset by this progression and demand that the image be cleaned up. The toy industry will eventually comply and Elmo will undergo detox.

Upon his completion he will be released and live a clean life, once again teaching people about their emotions and feelings and healthy living. Elmo will live a fairly long life at that point especially due to vigilant health care. This will trigger the last of the toys, the Prostate Exam Elmo.Elmo wants to be somehwere else right now.


Blogger happyandblue2 said...

Since he seems to be enjoying the prostate exam a little too much I'm guessing he has also come out of the closet..

9:25:00 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Rainypete I think you've about outdone yourself with this's hilarious!!!

P.S. Dear Santa,
Please bring me the (upscale version, of course) "Get Me Drunk Elmo" because I have been an exceptionally good Peanut Queen this year! :)

10:07:00 AM  
Blogger sands of time said...

Well i hope Elmo appreciates all your efforts there.Those were really funny Rainy Pete.

11:12:00 AM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...

Oh my. That's seriously too much Elmo!

12:08:00 PM  
Blogger TheatreChick73 said...

So many Elmo versions! It's Elmo overload!

Dear God that's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.


1:12:00 PM  
Blogger katie said...

I can see the line at Toys'r'us now. It's going to be a dark holiday for those poor kids who don't get the Morning after Elmo. They will be laughed at by their peers, and sent spiraling into a deep depression.

Side Note- I fought the battle of the elmo's to get my niece "Tickle me Elmo". I was 17 at the time and was almost beaten to death my an overzealous grandma. Those elmo lovers are not to be triffled with.

1:59:00 PM  
Blogger Rowan said...

unfortunately, i have thought this myself, though was never able to pictograph it like you ;) Worse still? The only elmo I ever wanted personally is the crapper one. I bought my sister the Garth Brooks style Elmo way back.

3:15:00 PM  
Blogger Lady Wyntir said...


I contribute the fall of Sesame Street to that furry moron. The high pitched voice, the laugh (hahahahahaa), even the red fur gets on my nerves.


~regains herself~

really, elmo with his own show and segment. I'll take the Yup-yup monsters anyday.

~wyn ^_^

3:36:00 PM  
Blogger Le laquet said...


3:49:00 PM  
Blogger wondy woman said...

I've just picked myself up off the floor. And I wasn't down there with Pimp Hustler Elmo, know what I'm sayin'?



4:26:00 PM  
Blogger t~ said...

OH dear! What will they think of next?! lol i love the pics!

5:41:00 PM  
Blogger PBS said...

Ha ha that's great! I want the drunk Elmo!

7:01:00 PM  
Blogger Mark Leslie said...

The "Get Me Drunk" Elmo - you're killing me! I love this blog, no, seriously, I really do, I really, really love it.


12:12:00 PM  
Blogger Violet said...

I think it's called a bildungsroman - when we watch an individual evolves over time.

5:26:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Wow, gotta catch 'em all.

3:10:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

People had nothing better to doFree Hit Counters times to so far
free web site hit counter