Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Scrambling for security

One of the things I love the most about the news isn't the fact that it keeps me informed of world and local events. It isn't even the fact that it can give me a sense of what is happening in the economy. Rather it is the steady flow of people who are entertaining in their reactions to the world around them.

Not to belittle the driver for security that followed the attacks of 9/11, but it seems that many Americans have whipped themselves into such a frenzy that everything unfamiliar becomes a threat. The latest from the tales of overreaction have myself and a great many Canadians laughing out loud at our neighbors to the south.....into our hands of course, lest they hear us and invade.

Apparently some U.S. defense contractors for the US were traveling here in Canada and spotted something very unnerving in the cup holder of their rental car. Lurking in a very threatening manner amongst his other coins was this seedy looking coin with a red mark on it. Being the diligent (read - paranoid) soul that he was he began to examine the coin and came to startling discovery. The face of the "coin" in question had a fine web of espionage inducing nanotechnology woven material on it. With his espionage senses tingling he immediately contacted his government and warned them about the coins. Another contractor reinforced the suspicions when he reported having been planted with the same coins while here as well. He had been keeping all of his change in an officially sanctioned U.S. Department of Defense plastic bag in an outer pocket of his coat and found two of the spy devices in his pocket but not in the bag. The Defence Depart did the most thorough and diligent thing they could and immediately got the word out about the evil coins so that they could keep everyone safe from the Canuck spy force that was obviously making a move.

They they decided it might be a good idea to check out the tip further and realized that they had jumped a little too soon. Despite the opinions of many in the intelligence community that the coins would be a lousy way to track people because they would spend them, the department decided to research the coins further only to realize that the biggest threat from the coins was the threat to ignorance. For those not from 'round these parts I can tell you that these coins were issued to commemorate Remembrance Day back in 2004. The Canadian Mint thought it would cool to commemorate the efforts of the brave men and women that put their lives on the line for us and decided to put the world's first colour circulation coin into production. The nanotechnology was actually just the dye and protective coating that keeps the poppy on the coin. I'm betting they never anticipated that it would make people in the "intelligence" community show off their lack of intelligence though.

I wonder what they will panic over next from we northern invasion folks. Maybe some mind controlling maple syrup. Or they will start to question the content of Tim Hortons doughnuts. Maybe they think that those crullers can be fashioned into a bomb when combined with two timbits and a double double!! It's all good for a morning chuckle over my coffee though.


Anonymous heather said...

God. We are so embarrasing sometimes. I moving to Canada, tidy the guest room! :)

10:08:00 AM  
Blogger Martini said...

Yeah, because Canada is world-famous for its nano-technology, eh?

12:23:00 PM  
Blogger Hillary said...

Oy vey. *rolls eyes*

7:01:00 PM  
Blogger Ms. Creek said...

overzealous paranoid bi-polar maniacs. it's a simple diagnosis.

9:03:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I'm glad you didn't mention the breast cancer coins. Those really are our secret diabolical plot to take over the world.

12:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no, it's the addictive chemicals that Timmy's puts into their coffee and timbits. we're trying brainwash them using mind controlling drugs.

but shhh...I don't think they've caught on yet!

9:27:00 PM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

I blame all the paranoid dulitions on king bush. The NSA has gone 'we will protect you from yourself' crazy ever since the BushGod came to power.

1:37:00 PM  

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