Fun With Telemarketers

How often do your get phone calls with a special, or once in a lifetime opportunity? I don't know about you but I'm a lucky guy. I get these once in a lifetime opportunities at the rate of about one every two days. That should put me at about 10,000+ per lifetime. Wow!

At that rate I don't understand why these people still think I should jump on each opportunity since I'll get another chance the next time they call.

While most people view telemarketers as an annoyance I prefer to feel sorry for them, albeit very briefly. These poor folks are trying to earn a living and the best they are able to do is annoy people and interrupt their mealtimes to make a buck. If they are silly enough to phone my house then they are taking their chances. Unlike my wife, I don't feel compelled to run and pick up the phone every time it rings. I'm not really all that important so the odds of missing a critical call are pretty minimal. The problem for telemarketers is that when I'm bored I will answer it and then it's game time.

Many people are unaware that these poor folks are following a script with all the answers written in there for them to follow along. Kind of like the old Choose Your Own Adventure books. My delinquent mind thrives on the ability to find the answers to their questions that haven't been written in their books, therefore forcing them to exercise their brain. I will ask all sorts of deranged questions and they usually aren't quite sure what to do (Of course every now and then I get a player and kudos to them).

The lengths I go to in deterring the ones that won't take no for an answer are also quite fun. We were being hounded by one that kept calling my wife every day at least twice, even though she had said no thank you to them several times.

That was when the fatality occurred.

After 2 weeks of telling them that she was out and not sure when she was returning I talked to the man on the other side of the phone. When he asked for my wife I created a nice long awkward pause and informed him that she had met a tragic end just yesterday. He was left scrambling for the what to say and after stammering for a few moments he simply apologized for the interruption then hung up. Seems to work pretty well as I haven't heard from him since.

Remember folks, we all allow these people to succeed in keeping their industry alive. If there was no money in phone sales there would be no telemarketers. Since it is inevitable that they will continue, you may as well have fun with it. If you don't then you'll find you are constantly ignoring a ringing phone or yelling at some poor soul sho's just doing their job.

That'll teach them!