Return to Sender

I get my fair share of junk mail, like most people. Possibly more then most people because I enter contests whenever I can find us (Using a fictional apartment 2 at my address so I know it's garbage before I even open it). Over the past year, however, I have developed a new junk mail related problem. Thanks to some hideous clerical abilities at a toll road in our area I now receive a fellow's mail from a block away.

It began with their bills to him being mailed to my house instead of his. The mistake was easy enough to make, they transposed his street with mine (we're on numbered streets in our neighborhood). Same house number one street over. The fun I'm enjoying now is that they must have sold their client list to another company because now I get his mail from a few junk sources as well. Add this to the charity that keep mailing requests for money to the dead woman who previously occupied my home and you get almost 2 person's worth of junkmail.

I have tried phoning the company that send me the fellow's bills and have the problem corrected and they told me it would dealt with immediately. When I called 3 more times I called I was informed that they were terribly sorry and assured that the problem would be rectified. So I've sent them a letter and now I'm keeping the bills for this poor fellow. I went to his home and dropped them off for him and he told me he got copies of the same bills. Apparently their idea of fixing the problem is adding him to the list and not removing me so I have decided that I am keeping his bills for a year. When I get enough piled up they are getting them back along with another request for a change.

Being the creative soul that I am, my intention is to find out who the big cheese is and mail them about 30 copies of this request at regular intervals of 2 days or so until i get a call and get removed. Once they sort the problem out I'll sent about 15 more copies to them in addition to another body in the office yet to be chosen. After all, to fix the problem you obviously just add another person to the distribution list.

I love companies that can't do their job right, they can provide hours of entertainment. If I can't sort the problem out then I'll have to find a way to dispose of all the mail. Maybe I'll fake my own death to get away from all the mail.

Well, everyone but the charities anyway.