Monday, May 16, 2005

My Genes Are Tight

Watch you windshieldDo you have a pet you love but would like a slight improvement on? Maybe tomatoes as large as pumpkins are your thing. Well dream no more. For only a few thousand dollars you can turn your garage into a home gene splicing lab.

Imagine a dog that doesn't shed or a cat with the personality of a dog (finally a useful cat!). The possibilities are endless. I'd probably use this technology in the same manner as I use anything else. There would soon be apples that taste like soap that I could take to work and leave in the fridge for the lunch stealing bastards that reside in our building. Likely a few stolen food products with the distinctive tang of earwax would be pretty good for curbing that I think.

I could grow trees that can defend my home in case of a burglary or door-to-door solicitation incident. It could simply pick up the offending body and hurl them back to the curb. Maybe I could grow a fish that follows simple commands and use it when I go to the cottage. It could convince other fish that the lures I am using are delightfully edible and increase my yield.

The most likely use I can come up with would be to genetically create a chicken that can prepare itself and jump into the oven so I can not have to worry about dinner when I get home. The possibilities are virtually endless. Start saving your coins folks and join in the next great hobby.

What sort of thing would you bio-engineer with your new toy?


Blogger Katya said...

i would duplicate my little hamster that died yesterday...and make him better so that he never got old...


9:43:00 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Celery that tastes just like chocolate.

That's it...nothing else. Just the celery...:)

9:49:00 AM  
Blogger Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

Chocolate cake that has the vitamins of Spinach or Broccoli.

Or, a dog that does housework. Either one.

9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Sask 1 said...

Actually i was thinking i could make myself Mr Perfect since he certainly cant be found anywhere i look.
June :)

11:29:00 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Everyone else's ideas are great!

I agree, though: a pet that doesn't get old and die.

1:19:00 PM  
Blogger dan said...

Wow, that is amazing. I want one of those nooowwwww.

Because I'm a boring tree hugging sort, I'd engineer a tree that attacks empty cars in car parks just so they can get some revenge on us air polluting idiots, for them and their plant friends.

1:28:00 PM  
Blogger Hick said...

I'm still mulling over what it would take for a chicken to prepare itself and jump in the oven...all those feathers...running around like a chicken with its head cut off... (shakes head before it explodes.)

I'm afraid I'm not nearly as creative as you...I'd be happy with one of those robot maids like the Jetsons had.

1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

I'm all for a Jetson house with a Rosie maid to go along with the whole package.

4:04:00 PM  
Blogger L said...

thanks for visiting my blog!

I would like a four headed cat. No particular reason, really.

7:11:00 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

Hmmm... this is a tough one... so many ideas, so little time... I think I would have to go with a cat that doesn't shed and talks. After that I'd have to go for Carol's chocolate cake... I've got it! I want a pill that will instantly take off pounds in increments of 10 so people could lose as much weight as they wanted... then they would feel like being active and would look much better on the beach! I have to tell you that some of the sights on the beaches here are pretty frightening!

8:36:00 PM  
Blogger wondy woman said...

can I have a miniature cow please or a giant bunny? Hmm, decisions decisions. Yes, I think a hamster sized cow would be my choice. Maybe a whole collection of miniature farm animals would be good.

Wondy Woman

4:30:00 AM  

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