Ask A Stupid Question......

It is a well known fact in my family that we are unlike many others. There's no point in pretending that this is a closely held secret, most people think we're a little off. There is one key difference between us and most people, more specifically my father and I versus the rest of humanity. Or bodies have evolved the disdainful ability to secrete some kind of hormone that has the uncanny ability to flush out the loonies in a crowd.

Stood in a crowded room full of people we have somehow developed the knack for being right beside the nuttiest occupant of the building. It's an unwritten gospel truth. Whether stood in a two person line at a shop or thick in a crowd of thousands at an arena, they always seem to find me. The funniest part about it is it seems to develop with age.

I used to howl with laughter when my father got accosted by the nutters. My brother and I would simply take a step back and let them go at him until his eyes rolled up to the whites and he began foaming at the mouth with boredom. Little did I realize that karma is a bitch. Now I have the same unfortunate skill. The key difference, however, is that my father was born and raised in the UK and as a result is painfully reserved and just waits for them to wander off.

I, on the other hand, have got to be me. I don't know if the fusion between my parents' DNA created a mutation of the mind, but I feel the extreme need to toy with these people. I figure if they weren't put on this world to amuse me then they would be pestering some other unfortunate, freak hormone laden fool. I'm a firm believer in the ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer sect. Staunch believers in the tenet that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

Lineups are my playground and I revel in them. In high school a few of may friends and I would start making livestock noises as we were being herded into the gymnasium for yet another riveting assembly about not doing drugs, or how sex would rot your bits off. These days the world gets more fun as people seem to feel the need to ask me silly questions. I don't think I look like a knowledgeable kind of fella but hey! Who knows right?

Waiting for a store to open at the posted time (which was still 15 minutes away)
"Do you think they're going to open the doors soon?"
"No, not really. I hear the manager is going through a long and bitter divorce. Now he feels the need to make others suffer too"

I was actually in a lineup where a guy who had been stood behind me for over an hour said
"Have you been here long"
"You didn't notice?! They beamed me into this spot just moments ago"

One of my favourites is when doing something mysterious like sweeping the floor
"Whatcha doin?"
"Making a quilt, can I have your underwear?"

I threw a new nurse off in the doctor's office the other day (You really think the others would warn her)
"And how are we today Mr. Rainy?"
"We feel positively wretched or I wouldn't be here, I hope you get well soon"

I'd better cut this one short or I could go on for days and days. If you have a stupid question somebody keeps asking you and you need an answer for them, feel free to toss it this way and I'll be happy to help.

Remember, the more useful you try to be, the further these folks will drag you down.