Thursday, June 16, 2005

Ask A Stupid Question......

It is a well known fact in my family that we are unlike many others. There's no point in pretending that this is a closely held secret, most people think we're a little off. There is one key difference between us and most people, more specifically my father and I versus the rest of humanity. Or bodies have evolved the disdainful ability to secrete some kind of hormone that has the uncanny ability to flush out the loonies in a crowd.

Stood in a crowded room full of people we have somehow developed the knack for being right beside the nuttiest occupant of the building. It's an unwritten gospel truth. Whether stood in a two person line at a shop or thick in a crowd of thousands at an arena, they always seem to find me. The funniest part about it is it seems to develop with age.

I used to howl with laughter when my father got accosted by the nutters. My brother and I would simply take a step back and let them go at him until his eyes rolled up to the whites and he began foaming at the mouth with boredom. Little did I realize that karma is a bitch. Now I have the same unfortunate skill. The key difference, however, is that my father was born and raised in the UK and as a result is painfully reserved and just waits for them to wander off.

I, on the other hand, have got to be me. I don't know if the fusion between my parents' DNA created a mutation of the mind, but I feel the extreme need to toy with these people. I figure if they weren't put on this world to amuse me then they would be pestering some other unfortunate, freak hormone laden fool. I'm a firm believer in the ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer sect. Staunch believers in the tenet that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

Lineups are my playground and I revel in them. In high school a few of may friends and I would start making livestock noises as we were being herded into the gymnasium for yet another riveting assembly about not doing drugs, or how sex would rot your bits off. These days the world gets more fun as people seem to feel the need to ask me silly questions. I don't think I look like a knowledgeable kind of fella but hey! Who knows right?

    Waiting for a store to open at the posted time (which was still 15 minutes away)
    "Do you think they're going to open the doors soon?"
    "No, not really. I hear the manager is going through a long and bitter divorce. Now he feels the need to make others suffer too"

    I was actually in a lineup where a guy who had been stood behind me for over an hour said
    "Have you been here long"
    "You didn't notice?! They beamed me into this spot just moments ago"

    One of my favourites is when doing something mysterious like sweeping the floor
    "Whatcha doin?"
    "Making a quilt, can I have your underwear?"

    I threw a new nurse off in the doctor's office the other day (You really think the others would warn her)
    "And how are we today Mr. Rainy?"
    "We feel positively wretched or I wouldn't be here, I hope you get well soon"


I'd better cut this one short or I could go on for days and days. If you have a stupid question somebody keeps asking you and you need an answer for them, feel free to toss it this way and I'll be happy to help.

Remember, the more useful you try to be, the further these folks will drag you down.

20 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

Hmm...I think I could have used you in the surgery today lol

I got trapped in an elevator years ago, with about 10 other people. After pressing the button, a voice came over the intercom asking various questions...one of which was "is the door open?"

6:21:00 AM  
Blogger dan said...

Mr. Rainy, I may well be related to your family.

Every time I go out I attract the nutters. I am known amongst friends as the 'mad magnet.'

I may be eccentric but I'm not mad.

Over the years I've managed to develop a skill which frightens these people off by being even stranger than they are. This took some developing as when I first started out, it resulted in unwanted rapport. and them wanting to become friends.

I've made being nuttier than the nutter without creating rapport an art.

At last, I know I'm not alone as a mad magnet.

6:28:00 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

I work in a reservations office at a large tourist attraction. Every single day, without fail, I am asked inane questions ~ the most recent by a woman who had just booked a visit to our facility for sometime in July. Finishing up the conversation, she said these unholy words to me "What do you think the weather will be like that day?"
My reaction to the nutter is a bit different from Dan's (above). I just give them a completely indifferent stare for 10 seconds and walk away. In the case of the phone caller, I move the receiver from my ear to the front of my face and give the stare of disbelief for 10 seconds, then try to manage some sort of witty retort before hanging up.

Enjoying your blog tremendously!

6:56:00 AM  
Blogger blue2go said...

Funny post! I have a friend who worked for a bus company. He would get a lot of phone calls asking "When does the noon bus leave?"

8:46:00 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Why, when you are covered up with work, do people stop and ask "Hey, you busy???"

Helllloooo! Do I not LOOK busy???

Erg...

9:28:00 AM  
Blogger Schotzy said...

This post is just further proof of my theory that there are a limited amount of sane/smart people in the world. And I believe that an alarm goes off when we non-nutters leave home that tells the nutters of the world to deploy and hunt us down.

10:20:00 AM  
Blogger Sask 1 said...

i can relate to being asked stupid questions all the time.But then i work with dementia patients so they have an excuse.

10:54:00 AM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

I've never seen that happen to you RP? We hang out quite a bit, and I've never seen a nutter ask you something stupid...

Either you're lying, or I'm the nutter..

Actually, don't answer that...

11:40:00 AM  
Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

A good stupid question when someone walks over to your desk to ask you to do work:

"Are you busy?"

Umm. what does it look like I'm on the phone for my health

Or when the Man asks you if you were hit on my another guy (my best reply yet.

"Yes, why wouldn't they?"

The man who always has words was utterly speechless.....

11:51:00 AM  
Blogger katie said...

I once worked at a store where we all had to wear the same shirts, with the store name on them. I loved it when people would say, "do you work here?".
I would just stare at them.

2:27:00 PM  
Blogger Celti said...

hmmm...Katie's comment reminds me of the fact that people are always asking me "do you work here?" when I'm just shopping! What is up with that?

So, you're a freak magnet. :lol:
LOVED your responses - too funny! Yep, they deserve to be messed with. :)

3:26:00 PM  
Blogger Hick said...

No wonder I like this blog so much. Do you write it?

5:31:00 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

ok so i attract loonies too when im out in my wheelchair..who ask inane questions, like can you walk? to which i reply well yes but i wanted good parking
and then there are the how do questions...
how do you get around
how dk you get out of your house
how dl you get dressed

as you can imagine this is a lot of fun all the time- i can get creative ..evil laff...

7:29:00 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Ooh RP, you are such a smartass! A lot of stupid questions are just social niceties... I will remember to avoid them should I ever met you. :)

8:27:00 PM  
Blogger L said...

could be worse -- they could all be hitting on you

12:12:00 AM  
Blogger ramblin' girl said...

hmmm... people often ask me questions (my friends say I hold an invisible information sign), but they're usually not stupid, just your typical she looks like she knows what she's talking about inquiries...

12:30:00 AM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

my kids say "mum you know what (watt)?"
and I say "no, but I know Edward"

they hate me answering like that all the time....but I get fed up of them asking that question.

have a good day. I always like reading what you write

2:16:00 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

It's a closely held secret that despite librarians telling you repeatedly that there are no stupid questions that there are indeed stupid questions. Librarians keep a list. Hope your question isn't on it.

9:33:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Ha. Your life is like that MAD magazine Al Jaffy's "Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Questions"!
I sort of wish people would approach me that way, but I only ever get asked for directions. And I feel bad giving people made up lies in that scenario.

7:55:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

"made-up lies". Whoo, that's redundant.

7:55:00 PM  

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