Friday, June 03, 2005

Oddness in the Oldies

Is it just me or are old people getting really really bored. I figured what with the later retirement and soaring debt that everyone complains about they would be busy greeting people at Wal Mart and such trying to pay down bills. Apparently this is only a very select few as they seem to have been coaxed out into the open by the recent stretch of good weather we've been having.

After some rain a few weeks ago I bore witness to someone with too much free time on their hands, a kind old soul sweeping the rain off of their driveway. I didn't have the heart to tell them it would only rain again later that afternoon, they seemed so content. The logic of this defies me as I don't think I've ever swept my driveway in my life. Even after sawing lumber on it I let nature run its course and the weather deal with the mess, after all it is outside! In retrospect, they must have been dying to scuttle over with a broom and sort it out. This however is simply the tip of the iceberg.

The grand prize for filling the day with unnecessary tasks goes to the neighbor of a friend of mine. Each and every spring you could bear witness to an event like no other. The door would open very slowly and she would peek out, furtively, as though checking for predators. Slowly she would emerge in her full and majestic spring plumage. Blindingly white knobby knees peeking furtively from her capri pants (no wait they're really baggy shorts) Her floral apron blazing with colours in the bright spring sun. Her yellow dishgloves gleaming with purpose. Showercap twinkling in the bright sun like a prune in cling wrap.

Her weathered face was set with determination as she equipped herself with her necessary supplies and a ladder. She would circle her prey and size it up before the final approach. With her rag in hand she'd slowly ascend the ladder and after carefully dipping it in the can of paste she'd begin the laborious task of waxing her entire house from top to bottom. Yes folks Turtle Wax! It's not just for cars and turtles any more. I think the biggest injustice is that in the garage lay a half tarped 1967 Corvette dripping with in dust and neglect. Her husband was too busy burning what he wanted in the backyard and yelling at the fire department when they kept showing up I guess.

Our theory is that, since she'd lived there for almost 20 years, she has added at least 1 foot to outside of entire home (Or lost that much yard, wither way). I wonder if they surveyed the property would they find the measurements were way off? I can only pray that these tactics are employed so that people will be too afraid to approach them so that they don't have to worry about being locked away in a "rest home", the ultimate euphemism for prison in their minds. It's places that force them into odd behaviors like this that worry me more. A power generation tactic employing the hamster and wheel type setup!

Without the elderly there would be no youth here folks. They were young and frisky at least once in a while back then. Let help get them hobbies and recapture that spark, that joie de vive that had them shagging in the twilight so many years before. Or at the very least get them to stop waxing their homes.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

My son works at a retail store that has certain older people come in DAILY to mosey around. They must be bored, poor old souls! We need the equivalent of Adventure Camps for the Old Ones. You, know, like the summer day camps for kids!

8:42:00 AM  
Blogger Rainypete said...

That's a great idea! They could go do all the things that old people like to do, only in a more extremem manner. Go to the park and yell at the kids to stay off the grass, head the the hospital and comlain about their waning health, acost random people on the street and show then their grandkids' pictures.

9:02:00 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Rainypete, I think you're on to something there...:)

9:05:00 AM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

What a BRILLIANT idea!

I think this lady was on to something! Can I borrow your power waxer? I tried using dish rags on my power drill, but that didn't work. Neither did the rags wrapped on my palm sander.

Maybe the driveway sweeper is the same guy that sends out the street sweepers after a rain fall.


9:28:00 AM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

And if you recall, my grandmother had no issues with accosting me with wrestiling moves when I implied that she was going senile!

I think I blogged about that once...

9:29:00 AM  
Blogger Katya said...

the old guy who lives across the road from my in-laws takes his number plate off to clean behind it when he cleans his car...

he must be bored and have nothing better to do, or he's very anal...


9:50:00 AM  
Blogger Hick said...

At least she will never have to paint her house again.

I have the same issue with my dad. Mostly he sits in his home all day watching TV. Ever since my mom died, he just doesn't have the confidence and interest in things that he used to have. I keep trying.

11:18:00 AM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

Darn old people. Can't live with them can't live..with them..

11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

The old guy who lived next door (an ex- postmand) gets up really really early and washes his car ..every day, we live on one of the busiest roads in the area and he is not always safe doing this. then at 10am he drives it to his daughters house to dog sit for the day whilst she is at work, then they drive home (5 miles round trip) then he parks it and that is it... . (his house though is a tip!)

2:25:00 PM  
Blogger Schotzy said...

Hey People here. I'm a grandmother and I resemble all of these old people comments. Satchel Paige once said age is mind over matter if you don't mind it don't matter. All I can say is just keep breathing and one day your grandkids and neighbors will be having this same conversation about you.***LOL*** S

6:06:00 PM  
Blogger Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

LOL. I have an 80 year old aunt who JOGS still, and my husband has an 84 year old grandmother that is in fine health but likes to act worse than she is so she can get waited on. Go figure.

That lady would be very sad in Texas. Most of our homes are brick sided. The wax would just seep into the brick.

6:40:00 PM  
Blogger Rainypete said...

Don't get me wrong here folks! I actually can't wait until my oddness is simply dismissed due to my age! I adore the leeway we give the chronologically enhanced!

6:53:00 PM  
Blogger The Editter said...

there's something very wrong with the retirement village concept. We arrived when my grandmother was supposed to be participating in a game whereby you pick up a soft ball someone had rolled to you and roll it to someone else, saying their name. When the ball arrived at Nana's feet she gave it a mighty boot saying "bloody stupid game".

7:08:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Wow. Waxing a house? She probably called it "simonizing her house". I wish I had that dilligence with my car.
By the way, I like that painting. What is it?

10:00:00 PM  
Blogger blue2go said...

Ha ha I like your list of activities for the old people: "They could go do all the things that old people like to do, only in a more extreme manner. Go to the park and yell at the kids to stay off the grass, head the the hospital and complain about their waning health, accost random people on the street and show then their grandkids' pictures." And it's true, we're all headed that way!

7:26:00 AM  
Blogger Nyx said...

At the call centre where I work I've had calls from the same old guy. He doesn't buy our products, just rings up for a chat - really lonely I guess.

7:50:00 AM  
Blogger L said...

oh my ! and I thought MY neighbor was odd

8:19:00 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

You've really got to separate old people into two categories: senile, not-senile. The Editter's nana sounds like she belongs in the latter category. :)

10:58:00 PM  
Blogger ramblin' girl said...

Neighbors of all ages can be odd.

I have a few neighbors in their 20s that have some of the oddest habits, like sweeping the dirt off their chain-link fence. Does dirt on their fence really bother them that much?

5:07:00 PM  

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