Oddness in the Oldies

Is it just me or are old people getting really really bored. I figured what with the later retirement and soaring debt that everyone complains about they would be busy greeting people at Wal Mart and such trying to pay down bills. Apparently this is only a very select few as they seem to have been coaxed out into the open by the recent stretch of good weather we've been having.

After some rain a few weeks ago I bore witness to someone with too much free time on their hands, a kind old soul sweeping the rain off of their driveway. I didn't have the heart to tell them it would only rain again later that afternoon, they seemed so content. The logic of this defies me as I don't think I've ever swept my driveway in my life. Even after sawing lumber on it I let nature run its course and the weather deal with the mess, after all it is outside! In retrospect, they must have been dying to scuttle over with a broom and sort it out. This however is simply the tip of the iceberg.

The grand prize for filling the day with unnecessary tasks goes to the neighbor of a friend of mine. Each and every spring you could bear witness to an event like no other. The door would open very slowly and she would peek out, furtively, as though checking for predators. Slowly she would emerge in her full and majestic spring plumage. Blindingly white knobby knees peeking furtively from her capri pants (no wait they're really baggy shorts) Her floral apron blazing with colours in the bright spring sun. Her yellow dishgloves gleaming with purpose. Showercap twinkling in the bright sun like a prune in cling wrap.

Her weathered face was set with determination as she equipped herself with her necessary supplies and a ladder. She would circle her prey and size it up before the final approach. With her rag in hand she'd slowly ascend the ladder and after carefully dipping it in the can of paste she'd begin the laborious task of waxing her entire house from top to bottom. Yes folks Turtle Wax! It's not just for cars and turtles any more. I think the biggest injustice is that in the garage lay a half tarped 1967 Corvette dripping with in dust and neglect. Her husband was too busy burning what he wanted in the backyard and yelling at the fire department when they kept showing up I guess.

Our theory is that, since she'd lived there for almost 20 years, she has added at least 1 foot to outside of entire home (Or lost that much yard, wither way). I wonder if they surveyed the property would they find the measurements were way off? I can only pray that these tactics are employed so that people will be too afraid to approach them so that they don't have to worry about being locked away in a "rest home", the ultimate euphemism for prison in their minds. It's places that force them into odd behaviors like this that worry me more. A power generation tactic employing the hamster and wheel type setup!

Without the elderly there would be no youth here folks. They were young and frisky at least once in a while back then. Let help get them hobbies and recapture that spark, that joie de vive that had them shagging in the twilight so many years before. Or at the very least get them to stop waxing their homes.