Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Actions Have Consequences

Recently I learned that doing things for no apparent reason can impact the everyday life in interesting ways.

I have never made it a secret that I am not a huge fan of telemarketers so in that vein I often like to mess with callers who appear as generic numbers on the caller ID. With my great sense mischief all hyped up and ready to go I picked up the phone and answered it. Expecting a sales pitch I put the phone to my ear and heard a voice asking me if I could come out to Toronto for a consultation. Apparently when I was wreaking havoc at the auto show I was pestering some model-type people. Turns out they got my name and put me down for a modeling consultation.

Now I know I'm not pretty folks, so I think they were getting even with me for wasting their time. Little did they realize that I would be wasting their office's time as well. In a simple act of revenge they have given me more food for the fire.

After fighting horrific traffic and hunting long and hard for a parking spot I finally arrived at the agency. Now if you've been reading my blog you know what kind person I am. If you haven't been reading this blog then I highly recommend you click the next blog link at the top of the page before it is too late. You can only imagine what a non-modeling soul such as myself would be like after an hour in the E-Z-Bake auto.. While most would be drained and/or cranky, I found myself extra playful.

I kept getting in trouble for tapping the glass to get their pet crocodile to move. He just sat the like a lump, boring thing. The poor receptionist probably needed to put in a request that the waiting room be separated from her desk in future after the likes of me. I kept acting really confused and dumb because I watched Zoolander and realized that if your are really smart you can't be a model. She didn't know what to do with me. When I saw she was having difficulty I told her "I can see that you're pretty so I'll use small words". Luckily she didn't throw me out though, and instead she sent me to "the office at the end of the hall". Oooooohhhh, mysterious!

Once inside I guess I was talking to the talent scout. She began to ask me about my skills and abilities and I didn't disappoint. I demonstrated the funky dancing moves I learned from this guy and she began to look concerned. She asked I could sing and I told her I knew our national anthem in French and English, she began scribbling faster. I didn't realize her eyesight was not that good though., This was made apparent when she asked I participated in any sports. Anyone that knows me will attest that, unless your are referring to sitting in the stands swilling beer and yelling at the officials, I am not built for sports (Although a blocker in football and possibly a sumo wrestler could be managed with my physique). She didn't look impressed when I told her I could play cards, pool and darts. I asked her if there was any work for me as the "before guy" in those diet ads but she just looked confused.

Then she asked for my pictures. They told me on the phone to bring two recent pictures and since they called and booked an appointment for the following day I couldn't get any professionally done (Not that I was taking this too seriously anyway). As a result I grabbed these two and brought them with me.

For some reason she didn't seem all that impressed! They told me if they wanted to represent me, they would call me back later in the week and let me know. I'm not holding my breath since that sounded like one of those "we'll keep your resume on file" type comments.

Let's face it folks. I don't think you'll have to worry about seeing my ugly mug plastered up in public any time soon, unless I commit a crime or go missing. Of course if I go missing, that implies that someone actually wants to try and find me.


Blogger blue2go said...

Aww, those are cute pictures! Wonder if they're call you back for something?

8:27:00 AM  
Blogger deni said...


I am sure the red nose would interest them!!!

9:04:00 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Rainy Pete (really More Useless Than My Cat), you may be useless but you have an inner beauty that any modelling agency should want to represent. Particularly the schnozzola. Oh, and despite your comments about largeness, to really qualify as "sumo-large" you have to have jowls that a beard won't hide.

10:23:00 AM  
Blogger Schotzy said...

Pete you are so cuddly and cute why would they not want to represent you? You of the rudolph nose, could start a fashion trend that would make being an 80 pound anexoric bimbo passe. S

10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

ROTFLMAO....wish I could have been there!

11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

I can't believe those car show models did that to you! That is *TOO FUNNY*!!!

And WTF re: Daily Dancer????

12:29:00 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

as your buddy let me say they have no taste pete! hugggs

btw your sense of humor alone makes you priceless....

12:37:00 PM  
Blogger wondy woman said...

They are so gonna call you and get you doing the next Armani campaign, I can see it now...

I think you're a beaut x

1:44:00 PM  
Blogger Fizzy said...

I think that they may just call so they can call your bluff , for calling their bluff, when they paid you back for tormenting them in the first place.... phew I need a drink now I've typed all that out.

1:54:00 PM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

I know you too well. You could never be a model, since you don't take direction well.

You don't put up with crap, and since most of these types want to blow smoke up your rear, or expect you to do that to them, I can't see it ever happening.

But I've been wrong before. Just look at little Darren Frost.

1:57:00 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

If you get the callback, you should just tell them they can't afford you.
I can't believe they'd pass you up. Not after they saw your clearly well-prepared and professional portfolio. Great pics!

2:59:00 PM  
Blogger Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

LOL! That's hilarious. Did they ask for a zilllion dollar fee to sign you up?

I personally liked your photos more than most models I've seen. :)

4:46:00 PM  
Blogger magicfingers said...

LOL as usual. What an adventure you had. Wish I could have been there.
Personally I think you're as cute as a bug in a rug......

9:35:00 PM  
Blogger Ms Mac said...

Please, please, please be my friend! I think you and I would be best buddies for ever and ever!

4:28:00 AM  
Blogger dan said...


Pete, you would not believe how similar our humour is when it somes to playing mischief.

BTW, great photos.

5:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's up with the alligator?

is it eye training? you look at it's hide, it's teeth, and the agency's models look divine?

thanks for the distraction--

3:01:00 PM  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I can't get over the dancing guy blog. I had never seen that before. I'll have to spend a great deal of time there in a minute.

I was just over on another blog, a beautiful 18-year-old girl named Krista takes photos, really great photos, and some of herself. I looked at her features and knew right off that she should be a model so I told her so. I think she thought I was hitting on her, which I would if she weren't all the way up in Canada, 18, and already getting hit on by plenty of other guys commenting on her blog. But I was being serious about her needing to look into modeling. Anyway, she doesn't seem to be taking me seriously. Or else maybe she doesn't have any interest in it. I don't know.

You know, I had a point here and now I'm lost in space.

Funny post. Like the photos with the clown nose, too. Can I put you on a T-shirt? I haven't sold a single one so it's pretty much one of those situations where you could buy a shirt with yourself on it, and anyone else who wants a shirt with you on it could buy one, but beyond that I don't think there is much threat that you'll run into total strangers at the mall walking around wearing your face. What do you say?

2:45:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Live nudes! That's the whole "always leave them wanting more" angle right? I think you hit the right level of mystery to baffle them.

10:12:00 AM  

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