Monday, March 07, 2005

Ask a stupid question........

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I don't know about you, but my threshold for stupid questions has diminished greatly over the years. Anybody that knows me is probably frightened right now because I was never in the running for any kind of tolerance award to begin with.

I've heard people say that the only stupid question is one you already know the answer to. I prefer to subscribe to the theory that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. Don't get me wrong, it's not like Mensa is coming to drop off my membership card any time soon. I just believe that people don't stop and think before they speak (not that they are known for stopping to think much anymore). These people have their place, just listen to the Arrogant Worms, "History is Made By Stupid People" if you have any doubts.

I propose that the world take a stand and attempt to curb this hideous trend. Fight back in whatever way you see fit. My personal preference is that no matter how dumb a question, no matter how obvious the answer, you should take the time to answer it. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you answer it correctly. If you feel foolish enough to validate these people by helping them out that is your prerogative.

I like making answers that entertain me, I like having fun and these people should not stand in my way. Why let them drag you down when you can make them serve your needs. The world is a stage and you may as well make them players on it, like it or not.

Some potential situations.

One of my favourites is when you are doing something mysterious like, say washing your car, and somebody asks "What are you doing?" You can simply tell them, but it's way more fun to say things like
"Baking a cake"
"Making a quilt"
"administering vaccinations, do you have an appointment"

Being Canadian we always get weather based gems like "Cold enough for ya?". I like the following.
"No sir! I'm holding out for 40 below"
"You still came by didn't you?"
"Actually I was hoping to freeze to death but it's taking too damn long!"

Or another weather gem for the summertime "It's not the heat it's the humidity".

"Actually it's not the humidity it's the heat. If it was only 5 degrees Celsius you wouldn't be sweating your nads off would you?"
"I gave up drinking water so without the humidity I would dry up and blow away so it's kind of nice"

Once when I was asked "Are you gonna eat that?" I actually said no and proceeded to shove fries into my nostrils and ears. Greasy orifices are worth the bewildered look on their face. Another acceptable answer is "No sir! I collect these and will take it in to be bronzed as soon as you let me get on my way".

In a similar vein I had a guy stare at me in a mall food court and after eating half my lunch with this guy watching I proceeded to get up and deposit the remaining food on his table. I said "Obviously you need this more than me as it seems so important to you". It was worth the look on his face and the milk that came out of the nose of the guy at the next table.

I know I am not alone in my crusade as I had an instructor in college who when confronted when the question "Will this be on the exam?" in the middle of a lecture. He paused for only a second before answering "Actually since my wife left I just pass the time filling up these blackboards but now that you mention it, that would be a great idea. Thanks".

Fight the good fight people and remember that as the world strives to make things more and more idiot proof that nature is always designing a far superior idiot to counteract your plans.

If you have any answers to help fuel the army of dissenters feel free to post a comment, anybody at battle loves reinforcements.


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