Of Children and Farts

Have you ever met someone with the social grace of a fart? They act and react in such a way that you wonder if they ever did anything wrong themselves so that they could be treated as you have been?

While enjoying a hockey game with my family we encountered just such a creature. My daughter is 2 years old and unfortunately for her she shares the same exuberance for life that I do. This leads to jumping up and down, singing, laughing and all the other fun stuff kids do. I'm sure the parents among you have had your child get swept away in the moment at many a place more socially unacceptable than a loud and rowdy sporting event. While jumping up and down at the game my daughter accidentally hit a man in front of us in the back of the head. Yes folks she did him grievous bodily harm by grazing him with a stuffed toy. Those things are lethal, they really should look into licensing their use before the unthinkable happens and some raging toddler goes on a killing spree with one.

Apparently this man had his dog shot this morning or possibly woke up and realized he was a crusty old coot, loved by few, and this made him grouchy. As a result he swivelled around in his seat and barked that he didn't come to the game to be hit and that if I did not get control of her he would have us escorted out. To my credit I chocked back by primary response, which was that if I had come to the game strictly to hit him I would have brought a lead pipe. I did tell him that if I was removed from the event I would be crushed to miss out on his smiling face though. I don't think he believed me. Then I actually got up and moved to empty seats behind me. This was not done for the old fart's benefit but for my own. One more outburst like that from him and I would probably be asked to leave by nice men in dark uniforms with badges after beating the cantankerous old goat with his own kidney.

I have no problem with people asking me to behave or get my child to behave but have the decency to ask!! Don't bark orders at me, that doesn't work well. When he got up to go to the toilet he had the gall to thank me for helping him out y moving. I replied in the spirit of his initial "request" and suggested that he pleasure himself while he was in the toilet. Old people who hate children cause me to believe that they must hate living. They too were once children bu tin their twilight years they forget that, along with their morning pills and where hey put their slippers. Their Eden would be a land without children, thereby following the extermination of man with no subsequent generations.

I add, but a single thing to this post in closing.

Seat grouch, may you be stricken with laryngitis while a hundred children frolic on your lawn.