Monday Meme Madness

Not a lot of time today so I churned this one up from a tag. That's right folks. It's time to learn too much about me and suffer the consequences. God knows where I got this one from as I forgot to make note of who it came from, so if you want the credit, go ahead and take it. That's what the net is all about right?

Things I have done in my lifetime, as of today:

Smoked a joint - I've never been skinny since.

Been in a wet t-shirt contest - Talk about unpleasant! I should market the pictures as a diet plan, now that's an appetite suppressant.

Stolen a car - In my defense it was technically a repossession of a work truck from a chemically incapacitated employee.

Had a threesome - Not unless wrestling with the kid in bed with the wife counts.

Been dumped - Out of a moving Tercel, very painful I might add.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - Ashley Judd still won't return my calls.......Bitch

Made out with a stranger - My wife has. You don't get much stranger than me.

Gone on a blind date - No but I think we should all date blind people. Most of the ones I've met are very nice.

Had a crush on a teacher - Nope, but if you had the teachers I've had, you wouldn't be surprised.

Skipped school - As much as was acceptable, and some more besides.

Seen someone die - Never actually seen it happen, but I've cleaned up many an aftermath.

Been to Mexico - Eventually I'll go and drink the water.

Thrown up in a bar - Only once, but I made to the bathroom at least.

Eaten Sushi - Eat it!? I make it!

Been snowboarding - I went skiing once, but that was a disaster better told on its own.

Been moshing at a concert - Yes indeed! When you're built like me that can be lots of fun too!

Made a snow angel - Yep. Kinda looked like Mama Cass with wings

Had a tea party - I'm a parent of a wee girl. Of course I have!

Flown a kite - I love to do it still. I just don't get the chance to.

Jumped into a pile of leaves - Absolutely. Now that I have a leaf blower I can do it a lot faster too.

Gone sledding - Ahh winter. When will your blanket of snowy joy allow me to frolic once more?

Cheated while playing a game - Anyone who doesn't is probably not telling the truth. I actually had a friend who cheated at solitaire, can't say as I've gone that far.

Fallen asleep at work/school - That's a big 10-4 good buddy! It gets a little crazier when you have a vivid dream and start freaking out at your desk. That get's 'em talking!

Used a fake ID - I can barely remember who I am half the time. If I started carrying a few of these around there'd be no hope for me.

Watched the sunset - Still one of my favourite things to do.

Touched a snake - Absolutely! They're fun for the whole family. Unless it's a really big snake, then it's not much fun for the little ones.

Slept beneath the stars - Ahhhh my hammock. Go summer!

Been tickled - It only works when I'm really, really tired.

Been robbed - That I have. Our house got broken into and they got a fair bit of stuff. Oh, and I bought gas the other day too, does that count?

Been misunderstood - Constantly. You're probably baffled just reading this blog half the time.

Pet a reindeer/goat - What the hell is a reindeer/goat? Messed up half breeds......does science know no boundaries?!

Won a contest - Many. The guy I carpool with is getting pissed that win lots of stuff.

Run a red light - Uhhhh yeah

Been suspended from school - Amazingly enough, never. I think this is partly due to the fact that I had a good relationship with the principals in my school.

Been in a car accident - Yup, three of them.

Had braces - Not yet

Felt like an outcast - I have and I love it. Being one of the "cool kids" is highly overrated. Thinking for myself is far more appealing. Besides, I get nervous when I "belong".

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night - I'm not that big on ice cream.

Had deja vu - Whoa! I think I answered this one before!!

Danced in the moonlight - Yes. And the moon looked as ashamed of me as my wife does when I dance in front of her!

Hated the way you look - I can't say as I have. If I looked any different I wouldn't be me would I?

Witnessed a crime - That I have. I have also witnessed crimes against humanity at the local fairs. Some of those people definitely don't own a mirror.

Pole danced - No, and I think there's a lot of happy Poles out there. I danced with a Ukranian once, is that close enough?

Been obsessed with post-it notes - I love post-it-notes. The feel the smell the taste......I've said too much.

Walked barefoot through the mud - Only once when my shoes got sucked off my feet (by the mud people...sheesh!). But it is fun and very liberating to squish it between the toes.

Been lost - I'm always lost. The world is a strange place.

Swam in the ocean - Yes indeed. If I could remember when, it would probably coincide with one of those unexplainable mass fish kills that keep marine biologists baffled.

Felt like dying - Yeah, but once the hangover went away I got over that.

Cried yourself to sleep - Only after I found out that they were canceling Futurama.

Played cops and robbers - Yes but once the cruisers caught up with me it was no fun anymore.

Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers - Now that I have a little one, people in restaurants don't stare nearly as much when I do this.

Sung karaoke - Yes and what an event that was!

Paid for a meal with only coins - Talk about grumpy waitress! It's not my fault that her tip weighed 3 pounds! Would she have rather had none?!

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Many, many times.

Made prank phone calls when you were younger - What do you mean when I was younger?! They're fun still.

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - Yes. And I've instigated other materials from other noses too.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue - Yes, but here in our home town that's a risky proposition sometimes.

Danced naked in the rain - Yes but then the rain stopped. For some strange reason I think the two events may be related.

Written a letter to Santa Claus - I write one every year.

Been kissed under the mistletoe - Yes but it's more fun to be kissed under the belly button.

Blown bubbles - No but clowns kind of creep me out.

Had a bonfire on the beach - Yes.

Gone rollerblading - Have you ever seen Laurel and Hardy's bit with the piano movers? Think of that and you'll get the picture.

Screamed the word penis in public - And many a more offensive thing too!

Ate dog/cat food - It's not as bad as you think, but stay away from the dry stuff, it's murder on the teeth.

Told a complete stranger you loved them - It fun to make people squirm.

Kissed a mirror - No. That guy was creepy looking, I wasn't sure if it would to lead to other things and I didn't want give the impression of being easy.

Sang in the shower - Why wait for the shower. Sing always at the top of your lungs. If some of those freaks on those idol shows can do it on TV, you can do it in the streets.

Had a dream that you married someone - It seems like a dream sometimes, but it is real and wonderful.

Glued your hand to something - Come on now .........what do you take me for? Of course I have.

Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - And a fence pole and a car door.

Kissed a fish - Yes but it was looking at me just so.....

Worn the opposite sex's clothes - In it's completeness as well and a half and half deal for halloween.

Been a cheerleader - Not officially, but I'm glad there aren't any pictures of that outfit.

Sat on a roof top - Both for recreation and pay.

Screamed at the top of your lungs - Only in the library.

Stayed up all night - Come on now...my son's a month old, of course I have.
Didn't take a shower for a week - Ahhhh canoe trips......I miss you.

Picked and ate an apple right off the tree - Yes, but the farmer wasn't too pleased. I think I've still got rock salt under my skin.

Climbed a tree - I actually used to do this by a trail near my house. Shinny up and read a book for a few hours. It was funnier when someone realized I was up there and freaked out.

Believed in ghosts - I thought I saw one once, but it was just my pasty self in a foggy mirror.

Gone streaking - Quit laughing! It was cold out side!

Been skinny dipping - Yes, but in my defense there wasn't much skinny about it.

Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on - And I've jumped in too.

Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger - Damn drunks, they know just what to say.

Broken a bone - Mine or others? I'm leaving this one unanswered.

Been easily amused - Constantly

Caught a fish then ate it - Yup

Caught a butterfly - Then ate it.

Laughed so hard you cried - Constantly.

Cried so hard you laughed - Not so much

Mooned/flashed someone - My poor poor wife.

Had someone moon/flash you - My brother's parts have been seen more than most porn star's

Cheated on a test - I tried to cram for a blood test but was dismayed to find there was no effect.

Forgotten someone's name - Oh yeah.

Slept naked - Constantly

French braided someone's hair - Mine and others

Grown a beard - Check