Wednesday, December 07, 2005

All I Want For Christmas - Part 2

So if you've have one of those practical type families that demands that you request things that are practical or household items you can make them bend to your twisted whims like I do.

When pressed for ideas that don't include fainting goats and incredibly overpriced home electronics I always keep a reserve list of items for the more practical type folk. When they tell you not to be foolish you can always tell them you need some linens for your bed and then hand them a request for the Twister duvet cover. What can be more practical than a spare cover for your duvet right?Alright!! Left hand groin, I mean red, I mean thigh!!!! Even better that you can climb into bed after a long hard days' work and play a little naked twister with you loved on. It's even family friendly so long as everyone stays clothed. Something to keep the little ones busy when they climb into bed before your ready to get up. When they cry that you need to get up you can hand them the spinner and tell them to play for a bit first. Just make sure your more vulnerable bits aren't under a coloured dot or you may find yourself awake after all!!

Don't come in I'm naked!!!If getting frisky in bed isn't your thing, but you still like to give the impression that you are you can order the remarkable Perfect Body cover for your bed. This is a very good product for those that share their home with prudish, but nosy family. Especially effective on in-laws and teenagers, they'll crack the door to pester you and see if you are awake and flee in embarrassment when they think you're sprawled across the bed in the buff. Simply sprawling yourself nudely across the bed is fine in warmer climes, but this time of year it's too damn drafty in my house to be that bold. If you're lonely you can even buy one of these and a mannequin head and pretend you've got a friend with you.

If these gifts are a little too rich for your blood you can always settle for a handy kitchen item. How many times have you gone to butter your bread or morning toast only to find that the butter is less of a spreadable and delicious treat and more of a solidified and lethal brick-type, bread annihilating weapon?
Well chainsaws and microwaves are a thing of the past with this technological wonder, The ButterWizard. That right folks, for only $70.00 Canadian you can have perfect butter every time. What attracts me the most is this claim
    "The ButterWizard is the world's first fully portable Temperature Controlled Butter Dish, which both heats and cools regardless of ambient temperature, ensuring your butter stays at the perfect temperature for spreading - anytime, anywhere."

That's right folks, anywhere, anytime! When I'm running late in the morning I can actually take my sandwich fixins in the car and make my breakfast in the car instead of making myself even later by actually having to make my breakfast at home. Now, if they can set me up with a toaster for my dashboard I'm good to go! I've cut a hole in the firewall to try and toast bread as I drive, but I get sleepy as I drive. My mechanic says it's carbon monoxide, but I think it's because the cabin gets all warm and cozy so I go all hamster like and want to curl in a toasty wee ball.

Come to think of it I could use a roadside assistance package for when I crash my breakfast-mobile. Anyone want a sandwich?

14 Comments:

Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Hmmm....well, the Twister cover is out....I can just see me tumbling off the bed somehow and breaking an arm. How would I explain that to my co-workers???

Now the perfect body covers, THAT I could get into. I've always wanted the perfect body...even if it is a bit covered up for modesty.

And a $70.00 butter warmer??? Uh, no thanks...I'll nuke it first. :)

8:38:00 AM  
Blogger Lady Wyntir said...

oh my... that's a little too expensive for butter. Why not just get the spreadable type...? hahahahaha

i love those sheets, but do they come in different skin tones? i'm a bit tan... :P

and the Twister bed cover is AWESOME! Do they have one for Shoots and Ladders?? ^_^

~wyn

10:14:00 AM  
Anonymous duane said...

I can't believe they make duvets like that!!! But do they make the naked one with two boys or two girls? If not, then boo!!!

And Lady Wyntir, did you mean Chutes and Ladders? Oh, wait... never mind...

11:04:00 AM  
Blogger Minerva said...

What about combining both and making it a version of Twister Cluedo..It was Colonel Mustard on the left with the candlestick...*grin*

Minerva

11:49:00 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

I almost feel stupid for warming the butter last night in my hand. I wish I'd known about this sooner. :(
The only thing better that the butter container, would be a goat that can play dead. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.
Lois Lane

11:53:00 AM  
Blogger Celti said...

BUTTER WIZARD! perfect spreading, anytime anywhere. *snicker*

I find that room temp is just fine, thank you. lol

But I DO want one of them goats!

12:41:00 PM  
Blogger Useless Man said...

I like the naked duvet. Do they have something in a large, as in , that hand isn't large enough to cover everything up...?

1:25:00 PM  
Blogger Martini Love said...

I want that butter thing, I have no need for it so I think now, but it's one of those gifts you'd think you don't need but really you do.

4:07:00 PM  
Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

Pete, when playing twister do you wear your red nose?
Wait, wait don't tell me! :)

4:13:00 PM  
Blogger Violet said...

I love the Perfect Body cover; I want one!

5:48:00 PM  
Blogger AlmightyHeidi said...

That' right folks all you need is butter and a blanket..

:)

10:29:00 PM  
Blogger Hick said...

Oh RP: Where do you find these things?

I guess the naked bed cover would be more of an inspiration to stay on my diet than the butter warmer.

10:21:00 AM  
Blogger L said...

the naked duvet is awesome

11:33:00 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

The Twister one has a certain charm to it.

11:11:00 AM  

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