All I Want For Christmas - Part 2

So if you've have one of those practical type families that demands that you request things that are practical or household items you can make them bend to your twisted whims like I do.

When pressed for ideas that don't include fainting goats and incredibly overpriced home electronics I always keep a reserve list of items for the more practical type folk. When they tell you not to be foolish you can always tell them you need some linens for your bed and then hand them a request for the Twister duvet cover. What can be more practical than a spare cover for your duvet right? Even better that you can climb into bed after a long hard days' work and play a little naked twister with you loved on. It's even family friendly so long as everyone stays clothed. Something to keep the little ones busy when they climb into bed before your ready to get up. When they cry that you need to get up you can hand them the spinner and tell them to play for a bit first. Just make sure your more vulnerable bits aren't under a coloured dot or you may find yourself awake after all!!

If getting frisky in bed isn't your thing, but you still like to give the impression that you are you can order the remarkable Perfect Body cover for your bed. This is a very good product for those that share their home with prudish, but nosy family. Especially effective on in-laws and teenagers, they'll crack the door to pester you and see if you are awake and flee in embarrassment when they think you're sprawled across the bed in the buff. Simply sprawling yourself nudely across the bed is fine in warmer climes, but this time of year it's too damn drafty in my house to be that bold. If you're lonely you can even buy one of these and a mannequin head and pretend you've got a friend with you.

If these gifts are a little too rich for your blood you can always settle for a handy kitchen item. How many times have you gone to butter your bread or morning toast only to find that the butter is less of a spreadable and delicious treat and more of a solidified and lethal brick-type, bread annihilating weapon?
Well chainsaws and microwaves are a thing of the past with this technological wonder, The ButterWizard. That right folks, for only $70.00 Canadian you can have perfect butter every time. What attracts me the most is this claim

"The ButterWizard is the world's first fully portable Temperature Controlled Butter Dish, which both heats and cools regardless of ambient temperature, ensuring your butter stays at the perfect temperature for spreading - anytime, anywhere."

That's right folks, anywhere, anytime! When I'm running late in the morning I can actually take my sandwich fixins in the car and make my breakfast in the car instead of making myself even later by actually having to make my breakfast at home. Now, if they can set me up with a toaster for my dashboard I'm good to go! I've cut a hole in the firewall to try and toast bread as I drive, but I get sleepy as I drive. My mechanic says it's carbon monoxide, but I think it's because the cabin gets all warm and cozy so I go all hamster like and want to curl in a toasty wee ball.

Come to think of it I could use a roadside assistance package for when I crash my breakfast-mobile. Anyone want a sandwich?