Santa Claus is Coming to Town

With the holiday seasons come various types of festivities. Few are as anticipated as the Santa Claus Parade. Our local parade is no exception. Those involved in the parade plan all year to put together their entries. While most parade participants are excited and manage to get a pretty good role, pet owners think of new and humiliating ways to get their pets to participate. These poor dogs were draped in costumes that obviously weigh twice as much as the dogs themselves, but at least their bony little bodies were probably warm since the poor things were blushing with embarassment. You have to wonder if they were worried that other dogs they know would see them and give them a hard time at the dog park the next day.

As people jockey for position on the curbside, anticipation of the coming events begins to climb. The parents try to understand why they decided that frostbite would be a fun thign with the kids while said children clamor with anticipation as they hope to see their favourite Christmas characters. Like the festive float full of chickens.They seem blissfully unaware of the fact that the float they are riding on is emblazoned with the logos of a company who sells processed chicken meat! This one even looked excited to see me. The one on the left didn't look like it was moving too much and a panic began to grip the crowd as they all covered their mouths and tried to shield their little ones from the avian flu. People were inevitably comforted by the fact that the Kellog's Corn Flakes rooster was on the right hand side though, so it all worked out and a massive stampede was averted. As the parade progressed on there were other festive characters. Such fan favourites as Herbert the big ol' Holstein, who pulls the sleigh in the prairies. Apparently reindeer and cattle have some kind of turf war thing going on and if Santa doesn't let cows pull the sleigh in the prairie regions then there is no more milk for his cookies. Fun loving Herbert is immortalized by that classic children's song;

Herbert, the big ol' Holstein
Had a very fragrant rear
and if you ever smelled him
you would even say oh dear!

Herbert handed out candies and nose plugs, as well as those little pine tree things you put in your car to mask the smell of that burrito you dropped in there last summer but can't seem to find. Once Herbert had drifted downwind we all breathed a sigh of relief. That was until the arrival of Chompy the Great White. Another great Christmas figure also immortalized in a festive ditty.

Chompy the Great White
Was a very hungry soul.
As he swam about
making children shout
Oh dear lord he's got my foot!"

He tried to eat the little one, but was discouraged by the stroller, which obviously tasted unappealing. Chompy cruised farther up the street in search of tastier tidbits. Soon after Chompy we got to see the Grinch fly past in Santa's sleigh with a drugged child in his clutches. Upon noticing this dastardly deed I had no choice but to call for backup and the Rainy Mafia was dispatched in their antique parade car.You'll all be relieved to know that the little one was returned to some very relieved family members and the Grinch was sent swimming with a cement nose. We don't anticipate any more trouble from him this year.

Overall it was a pretty typical parade. The only thing that really surprised me was this bold fellow. Imagine a float proclaiming that you are hot and ready for only $5.00!!! No wonder he wears a toga. With that kind of rate a zipper would only slow you down! I have to say that given the cold I wouldn't have been surprised if people took him up on the offer. The only thing keeping the people at bay was the fact that the place was crawling with police officers on parade duty. All in all it was a fun parade. The children had fun and finally got to see Santa before the frostbite took hold. Yup, everybody had a great time.
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Except this guy, who after reaching into his pocket found his testicles had vanished from the cold. I hope they came back once he warmed up again, or else he may have a good spot in the choir!