I'm A Survivor

Okay, okay. I have had more than a few emails asking about the survivor contest I had entered. Thanks to my well orchestrated assault on their voting system, involving tactical assault forces elements from my readers, family and friends I am officially a contestant. Thanks to those that supported me in my ongoing efforts to make a grandiose fool of myself to larger and larger crows. Your efforts will not go unrewarded. Given my physical abilities and mind forged of putty I don't know how long I can last, but it should be good for a laugh. Maybe if I can keep them laughing they'll be unprepared for my devious side. Hmmmmmm.

Time for a quick recap. Our first challenge was a human slingshot of sorts. Large, empty bottle of the watercooler persuasion were assembled at the far end of the rink. One member from each tribe was to be shot down said rink on a plastic saucer propelled by two immense rubber bands tied to a large flat pouch. Their team pulled their projectile back as far as they could and released to rope only to find that they nearly decapitated the poor chap, propelling him a striking 4 feet. When our turn came, we decided that the fellow on our team with the long arms would be a perfect candidate for the oncoming flinging and flailing session. We pulled him back a respectable distance and released him and watched with glee as he shot down the rink, or so it seemed. Thanks to our tragic aim and rather overzealous estimate of the rubber band power we managed to slide him close enough to lean onto his side and graze a bottle, causing it to fall over. It wasn't a clean win, but we'll take it. We held our heads high as we exited the ice to the boos of the people in attendance. Oh yeah baby, we're villains already.

For the superstitious among you, be afraid for me as my torch wanted nothing to do with being aflame. It was shipped with an asbestos wick I think. Another guy couldn't get his to go out, which is an interesting thing. Not as interesting as letting ten internet selected fans onto the ice with sticks containing a flammable liquid, which when released from the cans that contain it becomes remarkably incompatible with ice. As events unfold I will keep you informed. Our next session of arctic buffonery won't take place until January 7th, so stay tuned.