Labour Lunacy

People often ask me what I do for a living and I make sure that I don't give them a straight answer. This is partly because, while I have a job title, I am called upon to do many different functions in a day. When it was time to print business cards my boss even said that I shouldn't worry about what was on my card, he just had to pick something to fill the hole.

This confusion is just the next step in a long line of workplace chaos in Rainy Pete's world. Wherever I work I can pretty much count on insanity following in short step. I have worked a host of different jobs over my brief life and each time I had a great time. I have never been fired from any job but it wasn't for lack of reasons. I work hard, but also play hard.

Pranks are pretty much the order of the day when you are wired like me. It only takes a little while for someone to pull a prank on me and then the chaos ensues. The worse you try to get me, the worse things get for you. This all harkens back to my early work life when I was taught pranking by the old guys at a factory I worked at. These guys would nail each others' boots to the floor, sabotage coffee mugs. They even helped one fellow clean out his digestive tract. He kept taking all the sugar from the coffee stand without paying a penny for any of the coffee. They deftly replaced the sugar with Epsom salts and let nature take its course.

I subscribe to their theory that you spend the bulk of your waking life at work so you may as well enjoy it. I enjoyed a few years at a cleaning company and I can tell you, if you own a company you really should consider viewing security footage after you have been cleaned. We take nothing and break nothing but the video has to be entertaining. From projectile battles with elastics and paperclips to snowball fights it usually looked like a Benny Hill show ending. Our favourite trick was to bring the mouthy new guys to a retail client of ours. While they were "hard at work" we would take their jacket and empty the contents of at least 3 tester perfume bottles into their coat pockets. Sure we had to drive to the shop with that stink, but they had to live with it for days.

The moral of the story was that if you behave and do you job, you'll probably have fun. Don't tow the line and you'll end up smelling like a hooker for days.