Melodic Mayhem

When pressed for something to do of an evening when I was in college, a few of us would decide to go about the city and distribute pain wholesale. No we weren't responsible for random beatings, though our victims would likely prefer that to the actual occurrence.

Several locations in town had spent money on karaoke machines and we felt it our duty to defile them all. We would embark on our nightly mission and begin at one end of city, not stopping until we found a place that was suitably slow so that we could capitalize the machine. Since we knew we couldn't sing we had fun with the whole process.

Through our travels we ended up finding a bowling alley, of all places, that was perfect for our band of merry morons. Our favourite feature was "karaoke Russian roulette". You would get up in front of the crowd, and the DJ would randomly pick a song from his repertoire. Many a large and macho man has been caught singing fluffy love songs or similar tunes proclaiming his womanhood with pride.

We used to follow the screen as far as was entertaining and then make up our own lyrics. Once we had finished our barrage we would cheer and clap and root for the worst singers of the night as the bar gave the "winner" a free pitcher of beer. What better prize for some drunken fool trying to launch their music career than more booze. After all, we all sound better after a few drinks don't we. I know that after a few rounds I can put Barry Manilow to shame singing Copa Cabana!

I was actually told I had a voice like an angel by one drunken girl at the bar one night. I still think she meant the angel of death, but you never know. She may have just got her new hearing aid and was just thrilled to hear again.